Living on the Edge Eternally

Story by James

Let’s get this straight this really happened and I am really old and I really am one of the founders of the N.U.S.A.
It all started back on that faithful day. One day I was tired so I got an Amp energy drink from my fridge. I opened it when suddenly it started to glow a brilliant blue and then wham I was driven into my chest by some unseen force. It knocked me out cold. I was out cold for a couple of hours when I awoke I thought I just fell asleep. Then I remembered the can hitting me. So I got up and stepped on the can it did not hurt. And I mean I just crunched the can to where it would have cut really deep but like I said it did not hurt. So I got curious and looked at the can closely and saw that it had the letters XYZAA in small letters. I thought that that was weird. I thought that I was just imaging that I did not get hurt. So I looked at my foot and there was no scar or bruise. But then I tripped on my coffee table and then I hit my head. It would have killed me. So to see if I was really immortal I took out my Smith and Wesson 44 magnum and shot myself in the shoulder and there was not even a scratch. But I was fine.
The next few years I was having a lot of fun. For instance I would jump of my fifty foot tree and dive head first into my pool and stand up. So for a really cool experience I rented and airplane and jumped out of it at 100,000 feet and dived head first into my pool. I caused a BIG crater and I was laughing very hard.
I was very bored because I was out of stuff to do so I decided to go to Africa and hunt without a gun or a knife. So that only left my bare hands.
Two months later I got to Africa. From there I went to look for a rhino that would give me a challenge. I found him and he charged me the second he saw me. This gave me enough time to leap up and grab him by the horn and hang on for my dear life. After awhile I jumped off and he challenged me once more. This time I was ready for him. I ran at a tree and flipped off of it and landed on his back this surprised him and he jumped and tried to roll on me but I simply hung on. So after awhile we were at a cliff and he ran off of it. He then landed with a crash. I on the other hand landed on a huge rock the rock crumbled but I was fine. Later I was wondering around and I found a baby elephant that was abandon by his mother. He was weak but I nursed him back to health. He grew up to be the biggest elephant in Africa. He was thought holy by the Maasai he was there local tribe god. He was called Tibioco the Great or Tibi for short. He was well trained by me and how to train an elephant for dummies. One day I made the mistake of letting the tribesmen see me ride Tibi the Maasai thought that I was evil so they arrested me and I went with no objection. At the time I thought could convince them that I was simply Tibi’s friend. They didn’t take it they sentenced me to a challenge that could set me free or kill me. I had to have elephant meat tided around my neck and defeat a cheetah, a lion, and a Tiger with my bare hands.
I decided to say this when they got me to the Valley Of The Shadow (that’s where they hold the ceremony) I said this to their leader “Chunkinacacunck” which translates into “Bring on the little kittens boar face”. This really got all the tribesmen angry. So they got the cats there. I was laughing the whole time because the cats were intimidated by. This was because I showed no fear and roared back at the lion when he roared at me. They then were let loose and went after me. The lion leaped at me and was stopped dead when I dropped kicked him in the nose. The tiger was knocked down when I threw the lion at him. The cheetah was killed when I duck at the same time he jumped at me. He was knocked out because the valley wall was rather hard. I whistled and Tibi came to my aid. I got on his back and he took of faster than Satin ran from Holy Water. We got away from their only to be ambushed by their warriors. They all had rage in their eyes. I told Tibi to run as I got off of him. He did as he was told. I dropkicked the first guy right off of his war rhino. I fought with them for a little while before the chief came and said “go free and do not hurt him or Tibi as he calls him”. I thanked him and as I leaf the guy I dropkicked came at me with a knife he was very surprised to see me grab his arm and throw him twelve feet. The chief banished him and he swore his revenge.
I found Tibi at this grassy plain and he was looking at this herd of elephants. I told him he could go to that herd as long as he did not let the females abandon their young. I he understood me and then I said I find you again.
Back in the US I got a job as a computer hacker for the government. I stayed there for 6 years before I faked my death and changed my name. Luckily I was good with computers and faked all new papers and passports.
I then moved to the Bahamas were I stayed low for thirty years. Then I got on a plane and went to Africa to Find Tibi.
I got to Africa and rented a 4- wheeler because I did not know where Tibi was so after I found were Tibi was I walked up to him and he looked bad. I saw that he was missing an eye and missing part if a tusk. I walked with him for awhile then I turned around to see the flash of a gun and Tibi fall over and die. He guy I had dropkicked years before. When he saw me he ran for his land rover and I got back to my 4-wheeler. I chased him back to the village of the Maasai were he tried to run away. He got on his land rover and pulled out my 44 magnum that I had brought with me from the Bahamas. I shot out his two back tires and shot the steering wheel. It caused the air bag to go off.
The chief to who was the same one as the one before sentenced the man to 500 years in prison for his crimes. I got on a plane and went back to the Bahamas and faked my death a second time in 40 years.
After I had my new identity I moved to South America. Were I stayed for 150 years before going back to the US were on my way to were I used to live I got in a two car fatal accident. I got out of the car to find that the other person had come out alive. I asked her if she was okay and I saw she did not even have scratch on her. I asked her if she had had an Amp energy drink. She had said yes. So she asked me if I was an immortal. I then she had pulled out a gun and shot me. I did not die. So she said that’s okay because so am I.
So she and I were the only humans that were immortal. She had said her real name was Etain Sestain and she was as old as I was. Her and I went to California and stayed hidden for 350 years.
One day I was outside when I saw these servant robots had weapons and had corralled all the people inside the streets and said all who rebel will be killed. I had decided it was time for action. I grabbed my really old 44 magnum and ran outside. I shot and killed six robots. Then I was down to my hands. Over the span of 350 years I took up Karate and was one of the best in the world. So I took on 194 robots by myself. I heard gun shots and saw Etain coming towards me shooting lots of robots and she was also using her hands. She and I were back to back when. I saw people holding cleavers, clubs, and saws. We fought robots for several years and finally I had decided after I was done with the war I would start a new life.
Two years later we killed the last robot and we only lost three people and they went down guns ablazeing but sadly they were over whelmed. I was one of the founders of the New United States of America or the N.U.S.A. I was to be made president but gave the job to my 137th cousin.
I am now with my partner on the beaches of Hawaii enjoying our some R and R. Isn’t that right Etain. Yep so where do we go from here? I don’t know where do we go from here. Well I was thinking lets go jump off a cliff and land in a volcano. Deal.